he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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