he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wear drunk well.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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