my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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