I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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