we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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