It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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