how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
