I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
