i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
