My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
