She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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