we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
