I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
