You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
