we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
