I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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