Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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