Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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