I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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