her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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