The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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