OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
