once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
