so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
