I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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