Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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