Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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