Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
