And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
