We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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