Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
