true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My balls are so social today.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
