Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
