I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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