Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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