you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
