There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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