He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
