never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We left the knife in your bed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
