and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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