before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
