He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
