She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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