I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
