She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
