Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
