OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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