There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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