I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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