I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
