i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
