just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
