I must be too annoying 4 u.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
