Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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