But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
