I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
