Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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